37. Sepanx

Watching television series and movies could not only escape us from reality, but also makes us believe in that fantasy. That is what I learned from all the years that I was obsessing with television series. Maybe this is the reason why most people have their attitude. You know what they say, to see is to believe and because they are seeing that some things could be done based on what they are watching, they would make it as a reality, though its clear to them that it is just fiction. Why am I telling this? Because I wanted to say that obsessing with television series could not only change our way of thinking but can also give us anxiety.

I had a lot of favorite television series like The Suite Life, Pretty Little Liars, Meteor Garden, Korean dramas (too many to mention) and others. But lately, I've been in love with The Vampire Diaries. I mean, who wouldn't? Just watching Damon Salvatore doing his bad boy act can make any girl drool in front of the TV. His charms could make any girl fall for a bad guy even though his definition for bad is cutting off people's heads, sucking girls's blood, compelling people to do what he says and ripping werewolves's hearts. Too bad, huh? But still lots of fans want her to be with Elena because he would do anything just to protect her. 

I'm pretty sure that I am not the only one who's a fangirl for a particular thing and I know that they know (fangirls/fanboys) how these fandom changed their lives. And as to my experience, it was not really good. I started to think that we could be all vampires at heart and that we could turn off our humanity anytime and could start not to care about anything in the world. I also started to have a vampire instinct where I think that nothing is permanent, including the lives of a person so don't get too much attached. I know its crazy but that's what happened to me. I started to feel neutral everyday and my neutral face can be mistaken as my angry-with-the-world face. That makes some random people make fun of me, which gives me more anxiety because I started to think that they're everywhere. Creepy.

But then I started to remember something, God will never leave your side. He will not make you suffer unless you betray Him and go to the other side. You can always trust Him as much as He trust you to do good things. And I believe that I will just have bigger faith in Him, the anxiety that I am feeling right now will be gone and will be transformed into courage. But I will not stop watching TVD because that's what makes me happy. Maybe I would just try to smile and be happy with my life. Maybe in that way, the bad aura won't come to me. And I'm praying that it won't!